Savoury Vegetable Cheesecake, or Hatred Death Murder Anti-Cheesecake

Recipe by Allahu Snackbar Wikified by Drimble Wedge

Okay, think of two things off the top of your head that you can cook with cream cheese. I bet that the first two things you think of are cheesecake. Let's face it, it's everywhere, and all-pervasive. There are even upscale restaurant chains that sell little else than these silly desserts.

It fills me with rage. Its a cake, and its made of cheese. And it tastes - sweet?

When I think cheese, I think of these delightfully savoury dishes that take advantage of herbs and great vegetables and delight you with a little richness, and a lot of flavor. I do not think of some spongy sweet filler vehicle for whatever syrupy dollop I might put on top. They should call it cream-colored blob cake or something, so that the issue is put to rest.

So, to write my death ballad in the tune of cheesecake, here is my savoury cheesecake.

For the crust you want:

• About a cup of breadcrumbs (I used seasoned italian breadcrumbs though you can use plain and add your own spices)
• Two tablespoons of finely chopped/processed nuts (I use almonds)
• Three tablespoons of olive oil, or enough to dampen the mix.

Make sure your nuts are processed into something between a fine chop and a coarse meal. Process the hell out of them and back. Once done, combine with breadcrumbs and olive oil until you get this consistency of lightly damp sand. Spread that with your fingers in a glass baking dish.

Mine is square, you might notice. Why is that? I obviously don't have a round pie pan? WRONG it is because this cheesecake is too full of hate and murder for other so called cheesecakes to retain such a milquetoast shape as 'round'.

Done with that, lets move on to the filling!

• 16 ounces of cream cheese (two of the little tubs, give or take)
• 1/2 cup grated parmesan, romano, or asiago cheese (I like asiago best)
• 1/2 cup traditional Feta cheese, crumbled
• 1/4 cup heavy cream
• 1 egg
• One large handful of baby spinach
• 1 artichoke heart
• 2 green onions, finely chopped
• 2 teaspoons dill
• 1 teaspoon coarse ground black pepper

My fiancee told me that she was not going to participate in the tasting this week due to her lactose intolerance. Instead of being considerate of her feelings I decided to make a dairy weapon of mass destruction and feed it to her with a hammer because that is brutal. To hell with the consequences because the anti-cheesecake neither forgives nor forgets.

Put all of your dairy and egg into the food processor and brutalize it until it looks like it got hit with a hand grenade!

A good start, but this cheesecake still needs attitude. It has to spit in the eye of lesser cheesecakes and kill its dog with an axe, so I think that is best symbolized by spinach & artichoke hearts. Add pepper and dill weed. Dill weed is a pretty funny word. Like "Bobby you are a total dill weed for making yet another strawberry cheesecake".

Add green onions too. They're less funny than dill weed, but taste good.

Murder your vegetables without mercy, and pour their slaughtered remains into your breadcrumb crust!

Bake this more or less forever. 325 degrees for about 45 minutes to an hour, or until you get browning on top and it doesn't jiggle. Mine was a little on the brown side, but its completely supple. It's not as pretty as other cheesecakes...ON PURPOSE!

Throw that thing in the fridge once its cool enough to handle, and let it stay for a while. Once it's good and cool, slice it up and serve!

What I suggest is extremely fresh herbs, chopped and served on top. I took a little basil and oregano from my garden and gave a quick chop, and the smells were amazing. Topped it with that, and served with a wedge of oiled & herbed roma tomato, but any fresh veggie would do. You want to have something like tomato, or maybe even broccoli florets or carrot sticks to enjoy this with. It's got great flavors, but biting into the fresh herbs on top carries the flavors on top to the savoury vegetables in the cheese, and makes the entire thing complete. This would be a wonderful breakfast item with fresh fruits and vegetables to start your day.

Also, it's not a boring cheesecake.