Ninja Ramen

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Originally posted byLord

When not stealthily killing foes or disappearing into thin air, ninjas often pursue other hobbies, such as the fine art of ramen-dou: the Art of Ramen. The recipe you are about to behold is a clan-guarded secret passed down through many generations of ninja warriors, each modifying and perfecting the famous yakiryuu ramen below. The very knowledge of this powerful dish may call down hordes of armed ninjas on your house. There's probably one in your bushes right now. No, you can't see him, but he can see YOU. My good friend Ryoga Masaki has chosen me to be the successor to this ancient art, and thusly demonstrates for me proper ninja technique.

PART 1: PREPARATION

A well-trained ninja is always prepared, even in the midst of the unknown. Gather your tools!

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Here we have some Vietnamese Chili Garlic sauce (hot! spicy!), KIKKOMAN™ brand shouyu (soy sauce!), hoisin sauce, sesame oil, and two bricks of high-quality ramen noodles. (Sapporo Ichiban is recommended, but whatever you do don't buy the cheapest ramen you can, it will taste like pure anus.)

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A pot to boil ramen, a pan to fry ramen, and chopsticks to eat ramen! ALL REQUIRED!

PART 2: COOKING

PRO-TIP: don't fucking touch the bright red stovetop burner.

Put water in the pot, and bring it to a boil, then add the two flavor packets to the bubbling broth. Ahh, how it reminds me of my own boiling blood! Add the two high-quality ramen bricks to the broth, and stir them and break them apart for the next couple of minutes as they soften.

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Prepare to fry your noodles! Add some delicious sesame oil to the pan, then transfer the noodles to the pan. Be sure to use sesame oil! This gives it the excellent Asian flavor that ninjas love.

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Switch the pan onto the burner where the pot was, and turn the heat down. Stir your ramen well, lest it stick to the pan and shame your ancestors by becoming burned and tasteless. Nothing will make a ninja go berserk and kill more than burnt ramen! If you so wish, take out your trusty ninjato and cut up some small vegetables while your ramen slowly simmers (remember to have the heat low!). This little ninja usually adds some chopped scallions and small mushrooms, but alas! the NinjaFridge is in need of restocking. Only one scallion was available.

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Add the vegetables and more oil if necessary. Now comes the fun! Slather your frying noodles with sweet, delicious hoisin sauce and tangy soy sauce. Be brave and add some spicy Asian chili sauce to the mix! Be sure to yell "HAH!", "KUH!", "TORYAA!" or other such menacing battle yells as you add each ingredient.

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Stir your noodles and flavors! Put your body and mind into it! Make sure you do insanely cool looking ninja poses as you mix. This is the soul of ramen-dou! You must not disgrace your family by making flavorless ramen!

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PART 3: EATING

You have conquered the mightiest food of all. Sit back with a delicious MOUNTAIN DEW® Code Red™ soda and feast upon your delicious creation. KOMEN!

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