Hobo Jug Wine

What is hobo-jug-wine, or wino jobo hug? Its a magical elixer! What do you need to make this potent concoction of 8-13% alcohol by volume hooch? Let's start with some basics. You need..

A beer.

A very, very, very detailed recipe

At this point you need to realize the unholy raw denegration you are going to be brewing in your apartment/basement/hobo-box, and you need to apologize to the liquor gods for the mess of horrible ingredients you are going to mash together in the most tear-wrenching of ways. Find your beloved alcohol icon, and pay reverence.

Wearing cool socks is also mandatory for this step.

Warm up your fruit juice concentrate cans to room temperature. You can leave them out, but it was getting late and I was getting antsy.

Now you need to find room for six gallons of hobo wine. Could it fit in here?

No, but what is this giant carboy doing here!

Bleach it out, wash it out with dish soap, let it air dry [NOTE: Soap can leave a film, making your jug-wine taste soapy. Use bleach (and wash it out REALLY REALLY well or you'll get a shitty medicinal taste) or use a commercial fermenter cleaner. That wouldn't be in the spirit of this recipe, though.]

Make a funnel, clean the funnel, proceed to pour in fruit concentrate

Whee! Empty cans

At this point I didn't take any pictures. I apologize profusely. Boil up a giant pot of water, as big of a pot you can find, and turn off the heat when it approaches boil. Dump in (SLOWLY) 12 cups of sugar, stirring the whole time, you now have your simple syrup that will feed (along with the sugary concentrate) the yeast. Pour this mess in on top of the concentrate, try to mix it all by shaking it up without spilling. Mixing 6 gallons of highly sticky substance is a bit dangerous. The mixture should be warm, not hot, now its time to introduce yeast. My recipe is completely off, I was judging by factors of twelve up from my old brews and mistakenly thought you need a giant ball of yeast to create large quantities of booze- untrue. Anyways, introduce the yeast to warm water as per the temperature rated on the yeast packets/jars/etc. I use baking yeast, found in the baking isle, because its cheaper than champagne yeast and a LOT cheaper than brewer's yeast. We're going for utilitarian, it will have zero effect on the outcome, variances in yeast determine a lot of things, but nothing to do with what we're making here.

Okay. The yeast is in warm water, beginning to foam, now pour it in your jug and top with more WARM (NOT HOT) water.

Finito. Make a makeshift water-bubbler cork, use a balloon, some people even use condoms. Depends on your squeamishness. The point is to allow the air bubbles to expand or escape (through water as a medium in the corked water-bubbler case) without introducing new air into the mixture, which might introduce bacteria and crap that would pollute up your awesome booze.

Wait 10-14 days. Serve chilled. My current batch is a sort of raspberry fruit punch with a few cans of "lime-aid" thrown in, 6 gallons of tangy goodness!

If you rebottle the finished product (BLEACH OUT AND STERILIZE NEW BOTTLES/HOSES/ETC!) and let it bottle condition you can boost it up further- just dump some sugar in each bottle and fill it up, cap it, and let it sit in a cool dark place for a month.