Guacamole! by MSG President

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I first want to thank everyone who's made food threads, since doctor_god's lasagna helped me cook something good on Father's Day, and most of the other recipies on will be my cookbook in the fall when I will be doing all the cooking. (My roommate isn't allowed in the kitchen, since she can't cook)

And I know guacamole's been done, but here's another recipe anyway.

Btw, that huge mortar and pestle is a called a "molcajete", which is made specifically for making guac. It was a birthday present I received on Tuesday. This recipe is blatantly *borrrowed* from the tag on the pestle. So yes, I suppose I should give credit to William-Sonoma for this. Thank you (you overpriced asswipes). If you don't have a molcajete... just find a big bowl and something to crush stuff with. Maybe use a mallet or something. [N.B. Just mash it all together with your hands, avocados are really soft. Wash your nasty hands first, hambeasts.]

Enough talk. Onto the guacamole.

System Requirements:

  • 2 avocados
  • 1 large tomato (or two small ones)
  • 1/2 tbs Sea salt
  • 1/2 Lime
  • Some cilantro
  • 2 tbs of onion (I used half of a small one)
  • 2 serrano chilis


Start out by dicing the tomatos Food0024nw.jpg

I remember someone told me to remove the seeds, as to not make the guacamole into green water. Whoever said that, thank you. As you can see, my finger is in the process of scooping out the tomato seeds. Food0036ba.jpg

Seeded vs seedless tomato Food0041ot.jpg

After dicing those fuckers, toss them into the molcajete Food0060pn.jpg

Do the same with the onions and throw 'em in too Food0074rp.jpg

Ditto for the serrano chilis. And as a reminder, make as LITTLE CONTACT with them as possible. You don't want to accidentally get oil in your eye. Or on your dick, as some poor sap seems to have done. Food0099tv.jpg

Squeeze half of that lime into the molcajete. (I think the tag asked for 2 tbs or something like that. Just do half the lime, it's fine) Food0105yg.jpg

Make sure to throw in the sea salt, as well. And then after that, go ahead and start mashing this stuff up into a paste. You don't really need a PASTE... just... crush it up a bit. Food0126df.jpg

And now those lovely avocados... Food0139xy.jpg

No, Oreo. Those avocados aren't for you (/obligatory picture of pet) Food0145pd.jpg

And here's an example of how to twist avocados apart after you slice them in half. Food0151ki.jpg

My avocados were really ripe, so I couldn't pop out the seed with a knife. It just... fell out. Whatever. Throw them in. Food0162aj.jpg

Time for cilantro. "Fuck it, cut 'em up!" (R.I.P. Mitch Hedburg) Food0175nm.jpg

More mashing with the pestle. Don't totally liquidate the stuff; keep it slightly lumpy. Food0186st.jpg

However, I need to save this stuff for later, so here's the guac in another container with the plastic wrap. Remember, prevent the guacamole from oxidizing by removing the air from the container. Food0204vt.jpg

Thank you, molcajete for making my guacamole. And thanks Angie and Justin for buying it for me. And no thanks to Chris for not appreciating avocados (you moron). Food0211gq.jpg

If anyone's interested, I'll tell you what's in this sandwich I made afterwards. (The bread is sourdough) Food0231lw.jpg