Deep-Fried Mars Bars with French Fries

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I'm a big fan of GBS cooking threads. I think they are pretty awesome, and lets goons teach each other a thing or two about foreign dishes and such. I like eating, so I thought to myself - why not make my *own* cooking thread? I'm a french goon afterall, and the french are well known for their excellent cusine skills.

So I set to work for a few hours thinking about what I could make. Sadly, I don't know how to do much in the kitchen. And I don't know anything about french I've instead decided to show you guys how to make Deep Fried Mars Bars! I believe these origionate from Scotland...

For Science - Deep Fried Mars Bars!

Why for science? Because I don't know my way around the kitchen, nor have I really ever made these before (just once, a long time ago...and it wasn't really me who made them) and because deep frying things is pretty sciency. So, off we go! For Science!


   * 1 cup of flour
   * 1/4 teaspoon of baking soda
   * 1/2 cup of water
   * 1/2 cup of milk
   * A pinch of salt
   * A pinch of sugar
   * A deep fryer
   * Oil to deep fry
   * 1 scoop vanilla ice cream
   * Handful of french fries - Optional
   * Caramel sauce topping - Optional
   * Mars bars [Keep these refrigerated!]



This batter is good for 4 mars bars...ok, ready?

First of all, the batter. You gotta make a good batter. Crappy batter will make crappy mars bars. So start off by getting out some flour, some baking soda, some salt and some milk, and set these out on your table.

Measure out ONE CUP of sifted flour and put it in a bowl. This bowl will now be called the "Batter Bowl" and it will contain our batter.

Add in the baking soda. And then a little bit of sugar and some salt to balance it out.


Start SLOWLY adding in water. As you do this, you have to stir. Keep adding water and stirring the mixture until you no longer have any water. When this happens, keep stirring and move on to the milk. Once the milk is done, keep stirring until you have thick gooey batter.

It should look like this. See the consistency? It should look something like that.


Put the Batter Bowl into the fridge. Keep it in there a good hour or so to let the magic happen.


As you can see you are not restricted to mars bars - you can basically use any chocolate bar that you can get your hands on. Traditionally though, mars bars are the way to go.


Once an hour is up, you can start the real action. Now, this is optional, but I find french fries to go really well with deep fried mars bars, so I fry up a handful of them. So if you want to follow this recipe fully, then carefully lay out a handful of fries in your fryer and cook them. DON'T STACK THE FRIES. Keep it a thin layer covering the bottom of the grill. This is because the fries will also serve as a "floor" for the battered mars I find just placing it on the grill makes a huge fucking mess and sticks to it.


Take your mars bar (or whatever bar) and dip it into your batter. Get it real lathered up. Nice and thick. Don't worry about over battering it - the more the better!


Place the battered mars bar carefully onto the COOKED french fries. As you batter drips through the chips and the grill and falls into the oil, you should hear a lot of pops and sizzling and possibly even get burnt a little. This is all normal.

Er, I fucked up a little here. I didn't have enough oil (I was about 2cm under the "minimum"'s very old oil, as I don't cook much) so the top ended up not getting fried. So I tried to flip the mars bar, but chips were stuck to it, and it all kind of fucked up...but I managed to eventually get it flipped. It lost some of it's batter, so all that spunky white stuff you see is just more batter added on as an after thought.


Ahhh! Here we see the dish complete...the mars bar and french fries in a plate, with the vanilla ice cream. I then covered it with sweet sweet caramel topping. There is no need to salt the fries. Yes, I know it looks a little messy...and you can't really make out the mars bar...this is because it fell apart when I flipped the fucking thing.


Here I am enjoying a piece of mars bar and some fries that were stuck to it. Fucking Godly.


The stomach cramps, the strange internal gurgling, and the severe pain you will experience as you digest this meal is all totally normal and just proves you followed my recipe correctly.

I wasn't happy with my fucked up mars bar that fell apart when flipping it, so I decided to also do a snickers bar while I ate the mars. So I chucked in a snickers and managed to get that fried pretty well, then added it to my plate. I then added copious amounts of sweet, sweet caramel.

Marsbar14.jpg personal opinion is that snickers are nicer deep fried than mars bars. You got peanuts, and peanuts are fucking awesome. Especially with caramel and french fries.

And here we are at the end...a last look at my plate before I finish up. I have to say, in my expert opinion, that this dish is very fucking tasty. But it's also pretty hard to swallow. Try to take little bits of the mars at a time, any large amount kind of...well it feels funny. It goes down real slow and makes your stomach gurgle. So try to take little bits at a time with fries and ice cream.


I hope you enjoyed making deep fried mars bars with me. I certainly enjoyed making and eating them, and I hope many of you can try this for yourself and get back to me with the results.