Beer Can Chicken

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A tale of fisting, strange insertions, smoking (and chickens) By NosmoKing

Ingredients[edit]

The shit you'll need (add a pepper mill. I forgot to include it in the image)

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  • 1 3 to 4 pound chicken.
  • Chunks of hardwood (hickory here, but apple works nice too)
  • Can of beer (Yes, I know it's crap beer but that's OK for this application)

Rub Components

  • 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup paprika
  • 1 TBSP ground cayenne
  • 1 TBSP onion powder
  • 1 TBSP garlic powder
  • 1 TBSP kosher salt
  • 1 TBST fresh ground pepper (coarse)
  • 1 tsp celery seed
  • 1/4 tsp dry mustard

Method[edit]

Soak your wood in H2O for 1 to 2 hours before cooking time.

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Combine all the ingredients in the rub. Mix until there are no lumps.

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Meet and greet your dead bird. Do a bit of body modification to your dead bird. Trim all the excess skin and fat from the openings to the body cavity and neck.

Now comes the fun part. Gently insert a finger under the skin of the breast from the neck end. Once you get it in there, wiggle it around a bit.

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Now that your bird is nice and warmed up, slide in a second finger and wiggle that around as well.

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Time for your Amazing Ty impression. Now that your bird is nice and ready, slide your whole hand under the skin between the skin and breast. Don't tear the skin in the process.

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Now that you've fisted your bird, take a few tablespoons worth of rub and stuff it under the skin of the bird right on the breast meat. Toss a few tablespoons of rub into the cavity and shake it around. Rub the rub all over the surface of the bird as well. Open the beer, drink about 1/2 of it and add a tablespoon worth of rub to the can.

Nobody said fisting wouldn't be messy.

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Now for beer can insertion. Lift your bird and stuff it down on the can. Much like Naughty Alysha, you'll be amazed that you can stuff the entire can in there and it will essentially vanish inside the bird.

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It took the whole thing. Tuck the wings back behind the bird for a neater presentation and to limit burning the tips of the wings.

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Light about 1 1/2 chimney starters worth of charcoal. Once it's burning nicely, rake it into two piles on both sides of the grill (you are making an indirect grilling fire). Add your hunks of drained hardwood to the top of the coals. Set the upper and lower vents to about 1/2 open. You don't want a blast furnace effect.

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Set your cooking grate on the grill and center the bird on the grate. The bird makes a nice tripod with the beer can and legs. Only short bus riders need the "can holders" sold all over the place these days. I've been doing this for over 6 years and have yet to tip over a chicken.

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Your chicken will need to smoke for about 1.5 hours. Check your grill one or two times towards the end of the cook time, but generally you should leave it the fuck alone. As long as it's putting out nice clouds of wood smoke, all is likely well.

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After cook time is done, remove the top and drool at the smokey goodness.

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Remove the chicken from the grill, yank out the can, and marvel at the goatse like apperance of your dinner. (yes, I spilled a bit of the cooking beer while removing it, but that won't hurt anything).

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No, it's not overcooked. The sugar has nicely caramelized and left a wonderfully crackling and flavored skin. The meat has a nice smoke flavor and has a good BBQ twang to it as well. That brown strip at the neck end of the breast is a bit of skin that stuck when I was carving up the bird. It was yummy.

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Fisting, smoking, strange insertions, beer, and FIRE. We've got it all here folks. Hope you like it!