Great and Glorious Guide to Cheese, Pinnacle of Western Gastronomy

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Welcome to this, the Great and Glorious Guide to Cheese, Pinnacle of Western Gastronomy. This article contains the wisdom of the GWS cheese thread condensed and organized for optimal utility. Whether you be a total newbie, or a grizzled cheese veteran, this article aims to expand your horizons and stimulate your salivary glands.

Look at this fucking cheese.

Organization

This guide divides cheese into several categories, such as blue, washed rind, etc. When a cheese doesn't obviously fit into one of the categories, it is categorized by the type of milk used. Any further ambiguous cheeses are gathered in the miscellaneous section.

Cheese

Blue cheeses

Just look at it.

Blue cheeses are those that have been intentionally inoculated with or exposed to a kind of mold, usually Penicillium roqueforti or Penicillium glaucum, which produces that blue-to-green veining and a flavor that can only be described as "blue." Seriously, it is almost impossible to describe the flavor of blue cheeses through analogy. It is totally unique, and totally awesome. Though many blues have a "bite" that can be be off-putting for cheese newbs, there are some great cheeses out there that are totally accessible and great for starting off. And of course if you want a cheese that will leave your tongue numb for 10 minutes afterward, you can find those too.

There is pretty wide variation within the category of "blue cheese." Blues range in texture from creamy to crumbly, and are typically either described as "dirty" or "fruity." Most have no rind, although some do, such as Stilton or Shropshire Blue. Blues are often paired with strong flavors, such as beef or fruit, and can be overpowering if just eaten alone. I personally like to drizzle a little bit of honey on my blues, especially the dirty ones.

Roquefort

This is the great granddaddy of blues. It's no mistake that blue cheese mold is Penicillium roqueforti. Many consider this to be the finest cheese in the world. This guy is region protected, so if the label says Roquefort, it is legally required to be the real deal from some little place in France. It's cave-aged, and taken care of by Gollum-like creatures. It is made of sheep-juice, one of the exceptions to the sheep-cheese-is-bland rule. Forums poster Turkeybone describes Roquefort as one of the "dirty" blues.

Blue del Monviso

Blue del Monviso is a great introduction to blues.

This is a phenomenal blue, and very, very newbie friendly. Blue del Monviso is very creamy and mild, with absolutely none of the blue "bite," but a nice blue flavor profile. The creaminess is a great way to draw out people who are reluctant to try blues. I could seriously eat this shit all day it might be my favorite.

Gorgonzola Dolce

This cheese is, as the name implies, one of the sweeter blues, and one of the easiest ones to enjoy. The veins in this cheese are a lovely shade of blue-green or teal, and are sometimes fully green. It has a decent amount of moisture and melts well, yet is still just firm enough for you to crumble. Italian-made, and region-protected, despite the region being kind of large.

Stilton

This stuff is great, and has a more unique texture and flavor amongst blues – it's "heartier," if you will. Less straight up wet than the last few I have mentioned, but it still has a decent level of moisture. Stilton melts well, and is great for topping burgers. This is another vehemently region-protected cheese that has to meet very exacting standards.

Shropshire Blue

This awesome cheese was the result of some fool trying to recreate Stilton. Despite his little screwup, it made for an exceptional cheese that actually has nothing to do with the town of Shropshire. Firmer and drier than all previous cheeses.

Roaring 40s

Roaring 40's is one of the greatest blues that forums poster breakfall87 has ever had the pleasure of tasting. Stronger in flavor and firmer than previously mentioned cheeses, this is a wonderful flavor explosion to amaze your taste buds. This delightful cheese is made from criminal cows from Australia.

Gallery of Blue Cheese

Soft-ripened cheeses

St. André

My god, is this cheese gorgeous or what? Look at that pure white center. Clearly there is a god, and he wants us to indulge. This French triple-cream brie is one of the finest cheeses currently produced. It's taste is buttery as all get out, and it's smooth and creamy and damn I just don't have words for this masterpiece. Eat this one alone. Savor it. Let no one see you eating it, lest the discover the gluttonous monster that you truly are.


Gallery of Soft-Ripened Cheeses

Washed rind cheeses

Tallegio

This cheese is a polarizing one. It is a soft, viscous cheese that oozes very slowly after you've cut it. It's taste is rather mild and slightly fruity, but there is one caveat. Do not touch this cheese. Use a fork or a toothpick, ANYTHING but your hands. It will make them smell like straight asshole. I'm not using hyperbole, that is EXACTLY what they will smell like. If you follow these simple rules, you are left with quite the tasty cheese!

Aged hard cheeses

Aged Gouda

Awww yeah, that's what I'm talking about. You see those little white blooms? Those are flavor mines that explode with awesome delicitude when they reach your tongue. In actuality they are crystallized something or other. Flavors of salt and caramel abound in this one. If there's mention of a famous painter on the wheel, you've got a good one. Seriously this stuff is like toffee, it gets incredibly addictive to eat, so purchase wisely.

Cow milk cheeses

Goat milk cheeses

Sheep milk cheeses

Miscellaneous cheeses